This has been one of the toughest months i have ever had to deal with in my life.  So many good and bad things happened to me that set me back and made me feel incapable of recovering from. 

Luckily, I made a ton of money from the affiliate marketing.  Probably about 6 thousand dollars this month so far and the month is not over yet.  Now i have something to add to my savings so i can get out of this state and move on with my life as soon as possible. I just need to get out of the rut and keep on saving money to make it all happen.  I don’t like talking about money all of the time, many of my friends have said that it is all i talk about which is partially true..  But i do not talk about the marketing and the money and working from home for no reason.  I do it because I have dreams and i need money to make my dreams.

I have been working on a few new songs and I am just about finished with one called FireFly.  I talked to Joe and he told me to let him know when i want to record it.  One of my best buddies Justin is coming from Kentucky ‘again’ on September 6th - 16th and I am hoping to take him to see the song be recorded.  Its a good song.. and i think its going to be even better than what i have it pictured as in my head.

To sum my month up as quickly as possible I am going to start from now and move backwards.  Derek and I have both ended it.  Well, i ended it.  He says he ‘is not done’ with me but i have been trying to explain that i am not going to be another friend.  I cant.  I’m not going to let people hurt me and all i get is hurt from him, over and over again. He told me that i don’t know him and i never did and at first i was angry but now after a night of rest on it, i completely agree and its sad.  And its not my fault and i feel better now. One minute he wants me, and the next he doesn’t.  Its a never ending circle and i cant do it anymore.  I got food poisoning which is awful but i am getting better and I also got to see my x Justin this weekend. It was nice to see him again, its been years and it was almost 10 years ago that we were together.. scary isn’t it?  I met a couple guys. Not sure where any of it will go, if anywhere serious.  Not sure if i want anything serious after what i just went through but like i said, I love being loved. I know i am loved by my friends but I wish i could just meet a man.  I want a partner who I can spend my life with, make plans with and dream with.  Not a child. I am sick of children, and being misled and deceived whether it is done on purpose or not.  I am a good guy and I know my worth and what i deserve and i am going to ‘pray to the earth’ and see what i get this time. I heard from one of my lawyers about a case i have going saying that the return was not in my favor unless i can find a witness, luckily, i found one so now i have to go in to have him make a statement to my lawyer. I finally spoke with my parents, both my mom and dad and resolved the issue that was going on with them.  I feel much better.  The time i had with my wrangler came to an end, so i got another car which is a cheapo but i don’t want something expensive. As i said above, i work from home and don’t ‘need’ a car, but i need to save money! Last but not least, I worked things out with my landlord.. so i don’t need to move just yet.

So far, everything seems to be falling into place.  I miss Derek, yep.  Everyone knows it, so does he, but I will always miss him.  I am choosing not to see him, he asked, i said no.  I am choosing not to because i need to be strong and i know what will happen if i see him.  I will end up getting hurt again. Not going to happen. I’m pretty good at standing my ground and getting things my way.  If someone wants to see me badLY enough, especially after screwing me over, they need to earn the right to see me or wait 10 years like my other x had to.  I am past the hurting phase but stuck in the angry phase.  Its not right, and i am not trying to be a jerk, i am just expressing myself and communicating.

So my goals in September are to first, get a new song or 2 done (i might do the avril tune that is in the video posted here on my blog, just for fun), get a ton of work done when Justin gets here (and have fun), get my head straightened out and see where the newness that has come into my life will go if anywhere. I want the best for everyone, and I want everyone to be happy.. I am, even when i am sad. I see the bigger picture. I see my plans… and my dreams. PLANS work.

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