Goodbye 2007

Ive spent the last few weeks trying to decide what i should write on here or if i should even bother writing at all.  I figured that i would hold off until the last minute before the end of the year so i could do some brainstorming into my head to figure out where things were going and what to write for my end of the year post.

I have to say that life is really amusing.  Over the past year I have learned to become independent with my life and my work.  Ive been able to keep a steady income and i have gotten to travel to many places and for the first time i got to go to Europe.  Not 2 times but 1 time.  I saw Colorado for the first time and got to go to the Grand Canyon for a few days.  I feel like i have reconnected myself with who i am and what i want and most importantly i have decided that my body is too important to me to ruin it with all of the indulgences i have taken part in over the past year.  I will have to remove some people from my life to do this as my will power only goes so far but i feel amazing right now and i think that for once maybe i should cut myself off. Yes it will be lonely but existence will bring people into my life who can be on the same level as me and not need to get fucked up to have a good time.

I have gotten back into yoga and even found an instructor to help me, privately.   It hurts like hell sometimes but i guess that is part of the process where the body heals itself.  Weird enough, i lost about 20 pounds, i don’t know how but i feel good so i do not consider it a bad thing.  My hair is growing out, its getting really long and almost down to my eyes. I am going to try to grow it another 6 inches. Ive found an amazing pianist to give me lessons. He is younger than I am but he is very patient and bears with me.  I have started to write 2 new pieces, lyrics and all and it feels really good.  Hopefully after the move I will be able to get them recorded with Joe.

This year was a pretty difficult year.  I think mostly because i learned a lot in such a short period of time. I learned a lot about myself and i learned a lot about love and how people take it for granted. Best of all, i learned about my worth and realized that i am who i am and i will grow and change and love and lose but through it all i will always be a good person no matter if i am single or madly in love.  The best thing is that before i met the love of my life this year, i thought that i would not be able to love again since my last relationship ended a few years ago.  I fell in love again this year, stronger than i was in the last relationship.   I fell in love and it ended and i am OK with that, i let it go.  If things are not meant to be, then they are not meant to be but through all of the pain, i am OK because i know from what i have learned this year that yes i can fall in love again.. and i will. I think that anybody who tells me or anybody that they cannot achieve ANYTHING that they want is only saying it because they are afraid to try to achieve their own goals.  2 quotes that i was told this year and will take to my grave are “i want to be with you until the last time i close my eyes in this life” and “i think you are a lot smarter than you let people know”. Unforgettable.  The biggest thing i am proud of is my song Firefly, the song STILL makes me weak in the knees when i hear it. I hope that i continue to write more songs that change my life!

My sleeping issues have gotten a little strange. I have not taken my medication in a few months and i do not want to take it again  so my dreams have been really vivid and weird. I never thought i would be able to remember things so clearly so i decided to start writing them down.  The craziest thing that happened to me this year was about a dream i had and then seeing it in real life.  Last week i was playing with Legend at the most beautiful place.  I started to get cold so i decided it was time to go home.  I walked up the hill and i saw this man with a backpack coming toward me the way that i as going and when i saw his face i realized that i had seen him in one of my dreams.  At first thought i figured that maybe i saw him out at a bar sometime and somehow incorporated him into one of my dreams. When he got closer to me Legend decided to jump on him of course and he ducked down to play with legend and get a hug from him.  He asked me about Legend and what my name was, what kind of dog Legend was, etc.  I ended up going out for coffee and it felt like deja-vu.  His eyes are blue, his hair is dirty blond and long and he was walking through the park on his way home from visiting his family. I told him that he looked familiar and he said that he has never been out to any of the bars or clubs as he doesn’t drink and i have been baffled since.  Things like that do not just happen! But the most insane part of it all was when we were leaving and walking our separate ways he pulled his hat off of his head and made me take it.  I refused 3 times and he demanded and said that it looks better on me.  Since that day I have seen him in 3 dreams but I have not called him due to a few reasons that i do not wish to write about just yet. Is it coincidence or is it another one of those things that happened for a reason. We will see.

The affiliate marketing game for me has been steady and constant.  After the New Year and the move, i am going to get back into my normal routine of 9-5 game of reading, working and communicating, i want to make loads of money! I have a few ideas of where i am going to begin but living in this house has made me immobile when it comes to sitting at my computer.  There is too much bad energy in here due to bad memories and uncomfortable living situations but once I am out of here I have a feeling that many things will change.  Its so weird to think that a house can cause you to feel different ways but i think that is why people move, for change.

I want to say to everyone in my life and even those who are not in my life anymore including the one that shared an amazing and brief love with me that i love you.  I will always and forever and after. Have a great New Year, have no regrets, love, live and be happy and always keep your head up.  When you are cold you can be warm, when you feel hopeless there is hope, when you are sad you can be happy. Never forget it!

Lastly, for one person and one person only..

“I wish I could have done more for you, I wish we had more time. Anyway, may the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars. I love you”