Power Of Now

The last weeks have been eventful and uneventful. I have been doing well with the affiliate marketing although I am not doing anything to make MORE money due to lack of motivation. Luckily, i am making enough money to get by and to save up without having to do any work but the fact that i am not doing any work is slowing me down and making me completely unmotivated to do anything other than write in my journal, write new material, think.. and think.. and think. Sometimes i am thinking so much that i feel like i am trapped inside of my head and i do not know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Somebody gave me this book last week that i have been reading. I know.. i know, I do not like to read off of paper, but the weather has been nice enough that i can sit outside and read (the only place i enjoy reading on paper). The book is called ‘The Power Of Now’. It is pretty amazing and maybe life changing when i am done with it. Its weird to think that a stack of bound paper can change somebody. I like to think that people can change people, and I can change me, but a book? We shall see. I am sick of feeling like an asshole for all of the mistakes I have made and for all of the things that i have done to hurt others whether intentional or non intentional. If you know inside that you are a good person then you should do something to forgive yourself and KNOW that you are good.. even if the other person or people cannot forgive you. Anybody that says people do not change are so very dead wrong. I have changed, Ive seen people change right in front of my eyes.. sometimes good, sometimes bad but people (strong people) with will power can change anything and have anything that they want in life. anything.

A few days ago, I got to step outside of the house for awhile during the week. Usually I do not go running around town during the week other than when i am outside with Legend. I stay inside, i do yoga, i work out, i clean, i read on the computer, i attempt to do work and then I end up sitting and worrying about what will come to me next, who will come to me next. Its not a sadness, more of a contemplation. I am happy but something is missing and i do not know what it is. When I am outside, it all goes away and I think that i will get out more, until it is freezing of course.

My favorite place where i have peace of mind is close to my house. Most of the reading is done near a place called the Temple To Music. It hurts to be there in a way for reasons I care not to discuss right now, but in a way it also gives me peace. I just wish that people were not there. Every time i go, there is always somebody and i just want to be alone and enjoy the absorption. Here are some pix. Happy October!